In the space of five years I was sexually assaulted at knife-point, and then physically assaulted by my lover. Both times I thought I would be killed.

30 years later, I am unearthing the reason why its my hand I hold to ease into sleep.

Research: “the parts of the brain that have evolved to monitor for danger remain over activated…even the slightest sign of danger... can trigger an acute stress response…such posttraumatic reactions make it difficult for survivors to connect with other people” Bessel van der Kolk, psychiatrist.

Maria Popova writes, “The very thing we come to most dread after experiencing trauma- close contact with other people- is also the thing we need in order to regain psychoemtional solidity and begin healing”

Healing : Nature has been significant in my process of recovery. At first I thought it was a clichéd response, but I do feel better when surrounded by trees, the sea, than by people. Being so often hyper vigilant necessitates solitude found amongst nature. I can just be.

Seeking it, I seep into it. Animism, I part of all life on this planet, capable of being comforted by beings other than humans. Rob McFarlane writes “land” is encountered as sensate, memorious and even intentful, rather than a static stage set for human actions”.

Tone:the midnight of a knife, being cornered. The safety and soft tones of home, split lip, bruising. Becomes dusk, my world- safe maybe stuck.

I am: My practice is centred on emotion, nature, identity, my soul, the guts of who I am. Photography is my therapeutic tool, my self-care practice. This project is a selfish self-serving act of art, and whether any audience connects with this will be a bonus. I hope they do- with this work I am reaching in to reach out. 
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